School's Out for Summer!

You know it is bad when the last time you posted on your blog was in February....embarrassing.

Ok well let's play catch up shall we...

1. I graduated from college.

1.5 I was hired to teach at Amelia Earhart Elementary School here in Provo next year. I will be teaching 1st grade. (My first reaction to making this decision = ahhhhhhudisiuwipwu!!!!! A few days later I was at peace again)

As of graduation day I had three different offers for different teaching positions. I was miserable. Looking back I feel so blessed that I had choices when so many people do not. The only problem with choice is that it forces you to make a decision, which I do not like to do. I would pray and pray and I just felt like there was no right decision. Heavenly Father trusted me to make the choice for myself. Sometimes I forget that I was given agency to choose. Heavenly Father isn't just going to give you the answers. He expects you to get up off your butt and do something about it. He wants you to study things out, pray, and make the best decision you can. Once you do then he will step in and either confirm that decision in your heart or it will not feel right.

Deciding to teach 1st grade was light stepping off a cliff in my mind. I didn't quite know why I was making that decision. It came about 5 minutes before the decision deadline while I was on the phone in tears with my mom. (Shout out to that wonderful woman who continues to put up with me and all my crazy). So anyway I chose 1st grade and walked away still not feeling like Yes this is it! It took a little time, a little thought, a little pinteresting for me to become very excited about this new path I have chosen.

Extra bonus: This lady will be teaching there too! (In 6th grade) I don't have to say goodbye to the wonderful Miss Smith just yet. She has helped me conquer this year. I don't think I could have made it through my internship without her. Not only did I spend most of my time with her, she was the only other person in this world who knew exactly how I was feeling about every situation. What a blessing she has been every day.

2. Ashley got married and the besties reunited. Minus Karissa who is on her mission. Ashley married the boy she fell in love with freshman year. We were all there. We saw it all. We're glad Derek finally realized how wonderful she is and decided to be with her forever :)

3. I officially finished my first year as a teacher.

It is so weird to think that I am done. What is weirder is that I may never see any of this wonderful kids again. It makes me cry.
The last day of school was a weird experience. I woke up Friday morning thinking about the first day of school. I couldn't sleep the night before, I was so nervous. I remember sitting in my classroom, well pacing in my classroom, so nervous about what was ahead. I had heard that some teachers say a prayer for their class. A teacher's prayer if you will. I love prayer and couldn't think of a better way to calm my nerves. I prayed that I could be an example to them. That I could teach them what they needed to know. Not just in reading or math but in life. I prayed that I could develop good relationships with them and that I could love each of them.

Well this year was amazing. It truly was. This was my thought waking up Friday morning: Such a bittersweet day. I'm looking forward to summer and next year with all it's new adventures but my goodness how I'll miss these kids. They were my first loves. I don't think any group will be as special to me as these ones.

About an hour before they were out for the summer I sat all of them down in my now empty classroom (we had been packing and moving) and read them each a short letter I had written them on a bookmark. Wow, I honestly didn't think I was going to cry but about 3 bookmarks in I was in tears. My kids have never seen me cry. All they could do was sit there and tell me it was going to be ok. I was a wreck. I was overcome with so much love for each of them. In all their own ways they are such creative, wonderful people with so much potential in life.

Saying goodbye was hard. I told them all they had to hug me. And boy did they. I've never been squeezed so hard. But boy it was great. They all started leaving when suddenly one of my cute girls reappeared in my room. She looked at me and told me she needed one more hug.
Que my water works, I mean come on. Stop. They're killing me.

Then, next thing I knew I was all alone in my room. No kids, no stuff just me.
Wow.
I did it.
It's over.
Wow.

At this point I had to go hug Megan for a minute to just get my bearings again.

I finished packing and went to turn in my keys. To officially leave Westridge.
Que water works again.
It was bad. I was a little emotional.

But, I moved my stuff into my new classroom at Amelia and so when I get back in August I'll just have to set everything up.

Nice.

I spent yesterday with the bestest bud. Its been nice to reconnect with her again.
While we were eating dinner I wanted to show her a picture of one of my students so I pulled out my yearbook. I hadn't looked at it yet and I flipped to one of the autograph pages and there it was (in his neatest handwriting because we've fought about it all year):

Miss Webb,
 Thank you for such a wonderful year this has been the best year yet
From,
____

I don't want to write his name due to privacy reasons, but let's revisit this post.
See where it says Day 2: Hard. It use to say more before I deleted it for a variety of reasons.
Basically the student above blew up on me day 2. When he wasn't around I cried. He made my life very hard the entire year. It took me months to learn to rise above. To learn that I was the adult and I needed to act like it. Our relationship got better throughout the year, but he was still difficult.
Here's the kicker, I know he loves me. Through all the garbage at the end of the day I learned he loved me. I gave him his best year yet. What more could  ask for? I made a difference to him. At the end of the day that is all that matters as a teacher.

Que water works at the kitchen table.
I am one blessed girl.

Love,
J

PS: I was listening to my roommates talk tonight about past relationships and I realized that I am the only one (out of the three years we've lived together) who has never had a serious relationship.
Embarrassing.
BUT, its OKAY!
Cause if I've learned anything this year it is that I do not need a man to make me happy. I am so much more than that. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be in a relationship, but that is not the most important thing. I have so many blessings. I love my profession. I love my friends. I love my family. 

life.

Blessings.
It's crazy how life can be completely falling apart and then little things happen to remind you it's all going to be ok.
My life has been a roller coaster lately. Everything always seems to be going wrong. There is so much to worry about and not enough time in the day to worry sufficiently.
Like how in the world am I going to finish this stupid independent study class so I can graduate? No idea....maybe I should get on that.
And then there's other things like where in the world would I live next year?
Guess what, that one worked out perfectly.
My family is going through trials and I'm not there to help.
Certain things at home are slowly working themselves out for the best.
Observations have not been the greatest and I feel like I'm in a teaching rut.
Monday went really well and I've been more motivated to find new and exciting things for my kids to do.
Thanks Heavenly Father.
Will I get a job next year? Where will I work? Will I like my new roommates? Will I ever actually have a valentine?
A whole new wave of worries.
That's life I guess.

j

ps: I hate Valentine's day. Hate it. It's the worst holiday ever. (I probably feel this way because I've never had a valentine).
Guess what..when you're a teacher Valentines is the best. I got Sees chocolate, a balloon, a rose, soap, and endless amounts of candy.
Who needs a boyfriend?
I've got great kids.

once upon a time.

Once upon a time...

I lived in the dorms at Helamen Halls...at one of the first activities I met some wonderful girls...


We all had a lot of great times together....
One of these girls is named Ashley Janeal, I'm Janelle Ashley, we bonded instantly.
We even have a picture of the first time we all met.

Becca, Janelle, Ashley, Hilary

We all had a lot of fun together that year...
We played in the snow...


Shared a love for BYU basketball and of course Jimmer Fredette


Went to dance parties...


Went of vacation to my favorite place....Danville


And we studied really hard.


Then freshman year ended and some things changed.
Becca got married!


And the rest of us went back to school.
We still stayed in touch.
Random trips to Costa Vida helped.


Then Hilary went on a mission.
And Junior year started.
That included Jason Reeves concerts...


and trips to the Cannon Center to relive the glory days!


Finally we were at Senior year.


And Karissa decided she wanted to go on a mission too.


So it was down to the three of us...Stacy, Ashley, and myself.
I had never in my life had a set of girls I was so close to. They became my family.
To say I'm blessed to know them would be an understatement.

Today I got an exciting text message from Ash. It was a picture of her finger and it had a ring on it. She is marrying Derek, a boy from our freshman ward she basically crushed on all year. It's the cutest.
Here we all are at the temple, Derek is the tall one in back. Little did he know that he would be marrying one of the most amazing people I know.

I can't believe where life has taken us all and will yet take us. I am so excited for her and Derek.
May 24th 2012...it's gonna be big.

Love,
j

Pathetic...party of one

Some days I look through everyone's engagement and wedding photos and...not gonna lie....get a little jealous. They're so cute and happy and in love.
Not fair.

Ok...I'm done feeling sorry for myself.

Back to my 25 kids...

ha!

Dear Intern...

Today was my last training class as an intern. We had to write a letter to an intern next year answering some questions. People always ask me about my internship and I think this is a good reflection of my experience and how I've felt along the way. Sorry if it is all over the place I only had five minutes to do it.

Dear 2012-13 Intern,

I wish I would have known… that this would by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. You can’t give anything less than 100% of your entire self. It will take everything you have mentally, emotionally and physically. There are nights you will stay awake worrying about tests and if you taught something right, or that naughty student you have. But I can promise you it will be worth it the first time you see their little faces, or you laugh at a joke together, or (my favorite) the first time you see the lightbulb go on, when a difficult concept just clicks and you walk away from that lesson so happy and proud of yourself and your students.

I wish I would have listened to…advice that was given to take one thing at a time. I was one who always knew this was something I wanted to do. I flew through cohort experiences and I thought that an internship would be no sweat. Let me tell you it is not. You cannot do it all at once. You need to make lists, prioritize. Remember that it all doesn’t have to be done by the first day of school. Don’t kill yourself trying to get everything done, you won’t

Also, it’s ok to make mistakes. I hate to make mistakes and this has been quite the eye opener for me. You will fail, you will do things wrong, but guess what, tomorrow is another day to come in and try again. That’s life. You have to be willing to learn and change and grow.

I wish I would have understood…that there is a good, better, and best application to teaching. Creating bulletin boards is good, figuring out the seating chart is better, but understanding the content and planning out lessons AHEAD OF TIME is best. It’s also a best practice to figure out your management plan, but realize that these things must be flexible. You won’t get it right the first time. Things will always be changing. You need to find what works best for you and your kids, and that won’t always be the same as another member of your grade level team or another intern.

I am glad I already knew…that I had a passion for teaching. My love of teaching and passion to do this has really kept me going during the hard times. I said that this was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it is also the most rewarding.

The best thing about being an intern…is having your own class. You aren’t borrowing them from anyone. Years from now they will remember you as their 4^th grade teacher, you and no one else. You will be the one who makes a difference in their lives.

Janelle

Dear Portland.

You are very very green, I like that (Both versions of green, color and you like to save the environment). It seems you have an affinity for boats that I don't understand, but good for you. I appreciate that everyone is dressed in North Face or Ducks clothing.
j

sunrise.

While I sit in the airport waiting to go back to Provo (well to Portland, then Salt Lake, then Provo) I look to the left to see the most beautiful sunrise. It's red, and orange and just peeking out over the water...this is why I love California. It's beautiful.
What I love even more is that people stop to stare and try to take a picture of what they see. No matter what happens, we as a people still marvel at beauty and try to capture it anyway we can...and that amazes me.